it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
