I have demons in me.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
