sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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