my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
