About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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