And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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