i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
