If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
