from now on my penis is your penis
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
