i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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