Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
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