Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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