I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
