I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
