Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
