Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Randomize
