I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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