Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Pants are for mortals
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
