I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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