i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Houston, we have a blender
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
