So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
