she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
This toilet bowl is my home.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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