Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Randomize
