There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Randomize
