You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Randomize
