I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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