Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
