____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
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