she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
