.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
