I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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