Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Randomize
