Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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