im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
