i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
