good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
