Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
