We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
