What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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