dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
