I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Life is so much better after having sex.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
