You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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