if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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