So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I can't put those talents on a resume
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
