Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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