I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
