It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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