Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Randomize
