I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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