guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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