Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
