i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
